The Pace of Slow

My healing is so slow that it's hard to notice progress, but I know I'm improving. The slow is hard, though. I want my hand to get better quickly so that I can type and turn pages and finger pick the guitar like I used too. I want my life to be back to normal.

I also just want to know how my hand will be when this is all done.

But instead it's just so slow. And I am so impatient. And I want to be better so badly.

Every day I do my physical therapy exercises and try to strengthen my hand, while searching and searching for any sign of improvement.

Wait? Is that new? Could I do that yesterday? I'm not sure. I guess I'll see in a week if I improve just that little bit more so that I can tell for sure I'm a little better. But for now I just don't know.

I also worry. I know my nerve repair worked, but will it work fast enough so that my muscles don't whither away and die in the meantime. And what about my cut muscles? Are they healing? Will they ever heal? When I try to raise my middle finger, it feels weird inside my forearm, and I don't know why. What's going on in there?

The questions keep coming, and the mystery continues.

And I just keep waiting. As the slow keeps going.

On and on.

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